he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
