I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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