official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
