The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
