I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
