I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
