you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
