White coat. Heels.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
