i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The Olympian is in my bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
