Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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