yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
