So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
