I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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