If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
