I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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