Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
