all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
