I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
