the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
