giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
