so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
