Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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