I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
