Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
