It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
