and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
