Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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