I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
