I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
