Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
