Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
