so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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