Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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