I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
