Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
