from now on my penis is your penis
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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