You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
