You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
