I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
