yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
