god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
