you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
