meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
