Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
