I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
