By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
