i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
