I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
