you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
