Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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