I wish I only lived at night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize